Complete and utter bullshit. I always hear people saying, “I can forgive, but I don’t have to forget.”
If you are a person who says this, then I challenge you: If you’re hanging on to the memory that strongly, then how are you really moving forward in your life? If you’re hanging on to the memory, then it is coloring every one of your now and future relationships and decisions. Is that what you really want?
We often think that if someone wrongs us, we should be sure to remember the event, or the anger of it, or the unjustness of it all. But holding on to any piece of it will weigh you down. It’s heavy, like a backpack full of river rocks hanging from your shoulders. Why carry all that extra weight?
So why does anyone hold on to the memory even when they are able to forgive the person or persons?
We are afraid if we forget how we feel by being betrayed, left out, wronged, lied to, cheated on, insert your own injustice here, that it will happen again – that forgetting means being open to the possibility of being preyed upon again. But it doesn’t. Forgetting nor remembering are the answer. What we must do is TRANSFORM. Transform that anger into wisdom. Transform that hurt into wisdom. Transform that betrayal into wisdom. Transform it all into wisdom while learning the lessons from the injustices that we’re meant to learn. Transform, transmute, and live a lighter, happier, freer life. Isn’t that what we all ultimately want – to be free?
If we were left out, maybe we have to reevaluate whether or not the ideals and values of those who left us out align with our own. Cheated on? Is the person who cheated on us hurting in some deep way and what boundaries and changes do we need to make in our own lives so that we don’t call it in again? Betrayed? Was our intuition giving us messages that we didn’t heed? Can we listen to our intuition more often and honor it?
Transforming past transgressions into wisdom is the way to honor your soul, Spirit, and Self on this journey of being human. So for all those instances that you are “forgiving but not forgetting,” ask yourself what you need in order to finally process the emotion of it so that you can empty those river rocks into the river where they belong. Maybe you need a therapist, an energy healer, a good friend, or a priest.
It’s time to seek out the help you need, dig down deep, and do the hard work of transforming. You can. I know it.
Intuitive Insights 
I love your explanation of transformation within this process. Transforming our fears and transgressions into something valuable is the best thing we can do with those kind of events in our lives. Great insight!
I wish more people would talk about Forgiving and Setting Boundaries. I see forgiveness quotes everywhere and I get it, I really do. However, when it is a family member(s) that continues to intentionally do you emotional harm this becomes very destructive. Boundaries is what my therapist is helping me with because I realize how important forgiving is. I would love any thoughts you may have on this.
Yes! Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries! Of course they are often hardest with families because, as an infant, toddler, and child, we don’t get to have boundaries (typically) with our family. Often, children are taught that it’s not ok to have boundaries around family because love needs no boundaries! Scary!
I teach boundaries all the time…ultimately without them we can’t truly have compassion for someone. So keep on working with your therapist – sounds like she is on the ball.
Dang. This is real. Well-said. I used to say that kind of shit all the time, thinking one: I’m taking the high road, and two: I am immune to feelings associated with memories if I ‘forgive’ them.
Humble pie tastes good to realize, hey, I’m just weighing myself down, especially in instances where the one ‘at fault’ is either way over it, or out of my life.